we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize