She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
