hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I take back everything I said about communal showers
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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