if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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