New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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