im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Found the puke drawer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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