my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
