a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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