They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
