I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
