No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
