two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You may now shotgun with the bride
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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