it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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