Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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