I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
