2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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