I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize