Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
