Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
