I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
