i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
