How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
