dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
