Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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