after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
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He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
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OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.