She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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