i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
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He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
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Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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