there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
