my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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