Jerry, you need to find god
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
