He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
