I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
