Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
