I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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