it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
