if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you had me at cake vodka
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
