I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
