Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
