So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
