I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
