So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
