I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
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