so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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