come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
