Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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