i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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