Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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