If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
