It's like God shit irony all over that family
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
