after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
