we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
