all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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