ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
