I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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