barbara walters just said penis...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
