I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
