Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
