I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
