Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize