I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
